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Many thanks to Jack Arute and Dan Leberfeld of Sirius satellite radio’s NFL Rewind show for noting this story in The New York Post, heralding the end of Joe Theismann’s presence on Monday Night Football:

Several sources told The Post yesterday that Joe Theismann has called his final Monday Night game for ESPN, and will likely be replaced by current network analyst Ron Jaworski. …
A possible explanation for Theismann’s removal is ESPN’s desire to find an analyst more compatible with Tony Kornheiser, who seemed reserved last season in his banter with Theismann.

(Mind you, it’s interesting this story was referenced on NFL Rewind, considering that Arute and Leberfeld have about the same chemistry as Theismann and Kornheiser: They bicker all the time. That’s mostly Leberfeld’s fault. He’s not nearly as smart, clever or mannered as Arute, and that’s consistently demonstrated each Sunday.)

Let me make this clear before proceeding: Which analysts you like and which annoy you are largely matters of opinion; some people hate John Madden, and some like Michael Irvin. I thought Theismann was bad. I don’t think there’s anyone who will work well with Theismann, be him an intentional clown, like Kornheiser, or an elder statesman of the game, like Jaworski. If you want to use Theismann in your booth, he’s the only analyst, period.

But I couldn’t agree more with Arute, who had two basic takes on the firing during Sunday’s show:

• As insufferably ostentatious as Theismann was, not many people would agree with ESPN that he was the one who should go. And to judge from the callers on his show, Arute called that one right.
• ESPN has strong feelings about what it should be producing and will stick with losers far longer than it should — be it Cold Pizza or Kornheiser — because they can and because they suffer from the same tunnel vision that affects all corporate giants.

As I’ve noted before, it’s clear to me that Kornheiser does not understand football. Of course, he gets the basics; anyone who’s watched 20-plus games in a given season can figure out the basics, for crying out loud. But he’s never played a down, ever, of organized football and he clearly does not understand why coaches are calling given plays, why given players are in the game and doing what they are doing, etc.

Again, Theismann at least knew what he was talking about. Sure, he had some stupid takes and he believed some things no one in his right mind believed, but at least he knew what he was looking at and didn’t ask stupid questions, which is pretty much Kornheiser’s milieu.

Now, you could make the argument that Kornheiser was trying to feel out a camaraderie with Theismann, because the chemistry was wrong, and the way he did that was via supplication. But I listened to enough of those broadcasts to know what no, for the most part, especially early on, Kornheiser truly didn’t know what the Hell was going on.

It’s one thing, for example, to ask what went wrong with the blocking assignments on a screen pass. That’s a setup question; a question you may well ask out of genuine ignorance, but most likely ask so Theismann can show off his inside knowledge.

It’s quite another thing to say thinks like, “You fumble a kickoff on a nationally televised game on the opening kickoff, you want to crawl into a hole!” or “These are not good numbers tonight, are they?” when referring to Aaron Brooks’ 0-for-4 passing start. (See the Washington Post story that gave me these quotes and basically agrees that Kornheiser is an ignorant buffoon. And remember, the Washington Post is Kornheiser’s newspaper; if they say he sucks, he really sucks.)

True, as time passed, Kornheiser’s comments became slightly less ignorant, but the inanity remained in spades. Kornheiser isn’t funny on TV, period. Pardon The Interruption isn’t funny. Michael Wilbon isn’t funny on it, and neither is Kornheiser. Their chemistry is better than Kornheiser / Theismann, but not by much. Truth is, if they didn’t have the outstanding Jim Rome, and the patently awful Around The Horn, leading in to PTI, you’d think it was pretty awful. But because I get to see the best in sports programming, immediately followed by the worst, I can pretty much look at PTI as squarely in the middle: Not as good as Rome, not as vile as Tony Reali.

We need not even mention how vile “Listen Up,” the TV show based on Kornheiser’s life, was.

Believe me, there’s a huge difference between being funny when you write and being funny in person. Being funny in writing is largely a function of your smarts. Being funny in person is largely a function of your sagacity.

That’s why even stand-up comedians generally are not funny in writing: Funny writers are smart people who anticipate what the reader expects next and manipulates that to his advantage. He basically thinks three steps ahead of the reader. In fact, a lot of times, writers get bigger laughs out of the setup than the joke itself; witness any of Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum novels.

Stand-up, or better yet, improvisation, is funny when you work off the statements and observations of the other people around you. Wayne Brady is clearly a comic genius; his improv work on Whose Line Is It, Anyway? is legendary. His talk show sucked ass. QED.

In fact, there’s a great idea: Why not get Brady to do Monday Night Football? The chances of a laugh not induced by ignorance or inanity would increase manifestly.

Basically, Kornheiser is trying improv on Monday Night Football. He consistently fails because his wit is clearly inadequate. Even he admits to not being clever enough to handle the job: He confesses that the opportunity to interview celebrities basically leaves him wanting to veil insults as jokes. He thinks not calling Andy Reid “Mr. Potato Head” was a missed opportunity. And so on.

In fact, he’s not even clever enough to mask when he’s damning Theismann with faint praise. Maybe you don’t catch the insult in that story, so I’ll help you: Everyone knows Jeffrey Dahmer’s name, too.

Look, I’m not saying, “bring Theismann back.” Again, I’m fine with seeing him go, especially if ESPN is determined to keep the three-man booth; again, I doubt there’s enough oxygen in the booth for Theismann and another analyst.

But admit it, ESPN: Kornheiser is a bust on MNF. He’s not funny and Jaws isn’t going to make him funny, because Kornheiser isn’t capable of being funny unless he’s had an opportunity to think about the joke and work it out, the way writers do.