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Tony Kornheiser Spouts The Worst Kind Of Slur: A Casual One

Perhaps it’s my complete disdain for him showing, but Tony Kornheiser’s glib remark on Monday Night Football, about picking up the dry cleaning, was clearly a slur, even if other bloggers don’t get it.

In fact, it was the worst kind of slur: A comment made in such an off-hand manner, in spite of all the indications that it shouldn’t be offered, speaks volumes about Kornheiser’s opinion of Hispanics.

For those of you who may have missed it, Monday Night Football dedicated a significant amount of attention to Hispanic Heritage Month. Virtually every commercial break included a promo spot for NFLatino.com and Mike Tirico mentioned something about either NFLatino.com or Hispanic Heritage Month shortly after each break.

It was during such a mention — when ESPN replayed Felix Jones’ 98-yard kick return touchdown, with the ESPN Deportes announcers’ audio — that Kornheiser dropped this gem:

I took high school Spanish, and that either means “no one is going to touch him” or “could you pick up my dry cleaning in the morning?”

A lot of people say the comment is innocuous, or they simply don’t get it. But if you change “Spanish” to “Hebrew” and “my dry cleaning” to “some matzo balls,” I bet it becomes a lot easier to figure out.

The “joke” is aimed at the fact that wealthy people employ Latinos as domestics. It’s offensive on its face, because it suggests that Kornheiser equates Spanish speakers with maids.

It’s especially offensive taken within the context of why ESPN was replaying the clip in the first place: It’s Hispanic Heritage Month! Kornheiser is going to drop a “maid” bomb in the middle of the NFL / ABC attempt to honor Latino culture and grow their audiences? What, exactly, is going through his head, that makes him think a smear is an appropriate riposte at that moment?

Hispanic Heritage Month had been mentioned by Tirico at least 10 times by that point. NFLatio.com had been pushed in promos and on-air announcements probably twice as many times.

So maybe Kornheiser was irked by all the talk about Hispanic heritage and wanted to strike back. Maybe he truly thought his “joke” was funny. Maybe he hates Latinos. Whatever the case, he has to be smarter than to sabotage the broadcast by appealing to a base insult, especially one so contrary to the evening’s central theme.

He’s not only incapable of understanding his comment would be offensive if he simply shifted its focus from the other group to himself; he’s not even capable of thinking about what he’s saying in the context of what is happening at the moment.

Kornheiser didn’t think. That’s been his problem from the start on Monday Night Football: He’s an imbecile. He doesn’t understand the game. He simply echoes what others tell him to say or he’s heard from other commentators. And he thinks insults are funny, even though he’s as thin-skinned as they come.

I’m no “PC” maven. But subjecting us to someone who lacks the common sense to not act like a racist idiot on national television seems especially cruel of ESPN.

Nonetheless, I doubt even this will get Kornheiser fired, although they clearly did force Kornheiser to make an apology in the fourth quarter.

The Patriots’ Future Rests With Lamont Jordan

Before I get into this, a memo to at least 50 percent of sports radio hosts / TV talking heads: Matt Cassel’s last name is pronounced like “castle.” It is not pronounced like the last name of Sam Cassell, the Celtics point guard.

The Patriots played fine against the Jets, who were widely expected to beat them. They’ll continue to play fine — so long as Lamont Jordan doesn’t get hurt.

Yes, you heard me right: The key to the Patriot’s success this season is Jordan, not Cassel.

Simply put, Cassel can’t throw the ball 40 times a game; he’ll make too many mistakes if he does. Ideally, I’d like him to throw no more than 20 times in a game, but I’ll live with passing on half the offensive snaps.

That means running the football at least as often as passing. I know that’s anathema to Patriots fan, but running seemed to work for Vince Lombardi, and if the Patriots expect to do well this season, they’re going to have to get back to that level of basics.

Besides, the Patriots have an old-style hammer in Jordan, who had 62 yards on 11 runs vs. the Jets last Sunday — yards that came even though it was no mystery, every time Jordan was in the backfield, that the Pats were going to run.

Unlike Laurence Maroney, who could handle only 16 yards on 8 runs, in situations where pass was as likely as run, Jordan got most of his yards with the Jets crowding the box.

So long as the Patriots can get consistent yards on the ground, everything else should take care of itself.

The defense probably can’t pitch shutouts, but it’s quite capable of keeping the score low and putting together critical stops when they are needed.

Cassel is quite capable of delivering catchable balls, on all downs and at most distances, if he’s given time. That means keeping the distance to first down short; making run just as likely as pass, if not more so; and punishing blitzes by powering Jordan right through them.

When I argued at the start of the season that the Patriots should have considered trading Chad Jackson for Rudi Johnson, I was largely laughed at, and not without good reason: The Pats had five halfbacks in camp and no indication that Tom Brady wouldn’t repeat or surpass his 2007 season performance. (In my defense, I suggested Johnson as a solution to offensive line injuries in camp; it’s easier to run block than pass block.)

I bet, even with Johnson’s injury problems, Bill Belichick would just as soon have another bruiser in his backfield, versus waiving Jackson and getting nothing in return. But again, that’s hindsight, and certainly would have been heresy up until the second quarter of New England’s Week 1 game. (Johnson was picked up by Detroit after he was released by the Bengals; even with all the injuries at wide receiver plaguing the league, Jackson is warming a couch somewhere.)

Those unfortunate souls who watch football with me know that my first, second, third and fourth inclination is “run.” So advocating for the 2008 Pats to become the 1967 Pack is no shock to them, regardless of how ludicrous I sound. I like to play for the fourth quarter, to keep the score low and the clock running.

All these things are entirely counter to what the Pats have built around Brady. But as promising as Cassel’s arm, head and heart are proving, it’s Jordan’s back and knees that are going to have to hold up if the Patriots want to have a good season.

Get Rid Of Instant Replay

Much ado has been made of Ed Hochuli’s botched call in the Denver-San Diego game. I suspect all the venom is the result of Hochuli being an attention whore, and people loving to hate on them. (I’ve hated on total-stranger attention whores and will be hating on another one in a few paragraphs, too.)

Let’s remember: After the fumble was wrongly given back to the Broncos, it was third and 10. Then fourth and 4. Then a successful two-point conversion. For a defense that’s supposed to be so bad-ass, the Chargers sure choked when the game was on the line.

That’s the bottom line: Hochuli’s call didn’t cost San Diego that game. San Diego cost themselves that game.

They had three chances in a row to win the game; two of them were prime chances. They blew all three. Not getting the fourth and 4 stop, nor preventing the conversion, is what should upset Norv Turner and San Diego fan.

And no, the malfunctioning replay system that, had it worked, likely would have given the Chargers another call, earlier in the game, isn’t to blame, either.

Every game comes down to a handful of plays that have disproportionate impact, and that disproportionate impact is sometimes the result of a blown call, a non-call or a judgment call.

Darren Sproles’s 103-yard TD return was the result of an uncalled block in the back. You don’t hear San Diego fan bitching about that non-call.

The truth is that error is part of the game, and official error should be part of it, too. The NFL should grade its officials and it should punish those who make bad calls, based on how bad and how often. But in-game tampering with officiating doesn’t just slow the game down, it suggests that everything can ultimately be made 100 percent fair to everyone — something even 5-year-olds know to be untrue.

I understand the argument that, if instant replay and better rules can place more of the game’s outcome in the hands of players, then those tools should be used. It’s perfectly cogent and reasonable. I simply disagree.

Good teams master the circumstances placed in front of them. That includes capitalizing on the mistakes made by others, overcoming their own mistakes and dealing with factors outside their control — be it injuries, the weather or a botched call.

OK, so the referee gave the other team the ball back. What are you going to do about it: Focus on the injustice of it all, lose the game and then cry like little girls? Or man up, play the way everyone says you play and stone them on fourth and 4, or at the very least, not get clowned by Denver going to the same wideout, and virtually the same play, on the two-point conversion?

My criticism of the Chargers has long been that they are not mentally tough.

I saw that in 2007, after San Diego blew a three-quarters-long lead and lost the divisional playoff to New England. Nate Kaeding choked on a 54-yard field goal to win, with three seconds left. LaDanian Tomlinson chose that time to complain about post-game taunting, rather than blown opportunities to win.

I saw it again in 2008, when the Chargers couldn’t capitalize on three interceptions, nor stop a nine-minute-long, 15-play New England drive that ended their playoff run once again, an injured LT pouting on the sideline the entire time.

The Chargers need to start looking around the locker room for the causes of their troubles. When the going gets tough, San Diego lacks the strength and determination needed to do something about it, yet always finds someone else to blame.

Besides, as insufferably ostentatious as he might be, I know Hochuli is a good referee because Jerry Jones doesn’t like him. If the most shameless, self-promoting huckster in the NFL thinks Hochuli is crooked, he must be an OK guy.

Play Until The Whistle Blows, Period

Related to that is the question about when a play is over and how possession is measured. I say, again, back to basics: You play until the whistle blows.

If the ball is loose when the whistle blows, then the team that last possessed it gets it back wherever they were when they last possessed it. (Note: That was basically the rule that gave the ball back to Denver.)

Fairness comes not from their ability to predict and respond to every possible circumstance, but from rules formed of a consistent approach to the way the game should be played and applied consistently.

If it’s simple, obvious and inevitable, people will respect a rule. It’s when you have messes such as the blown Hochuli call that you wind up with accusations flying.

All the links in this entry on del.icio.us: http://delicious.com/dhvrm/nfl_week_2_2008